knee highs and keira

so basically you are perfect. ahfuegqhwjdiJW 

i hate that you’ve just come wondering into my life, it isn’t fair! You’ve just walked in and plonked yourself down. I shouldn’t even be thinking about you or boys at all. I have my exams and they’re really important to me. Equally i hate the idea of you not being there now and, no i won’t admit it to you but that’s how it is. I’m not ready to let you in like that i’m scared of getting hurt again. Yeah i’m scared. I feel like you’re just gonna disappear, leave my life just as quickly as you entered it. Christ you’re going away for two months when if this carries on we’ll be at a really crucial point. So i’m suppose to carry on with this, get attached and emotionally involved for you to just leave? i don’t want that it’s gonna hurt like hell to watch you leave. And then you’ll come home and most likely be a completely different person, or not. i feel like there’s so many things in the way. 

but it doesn’t mean i don’t want you. 

so everything seems to be going really well one minute and shit the next. Drama was amazing today and i’m proud of everyone.

I can’t believe what’s happened to beth and i hate that it’s happened to her she doesn’t deserve this, out of everyone i know she deserves this the least. i suppose that isn’t fair to say though.

I’m also scared that a very important person in my life is slipping away and i don’t like it, but i feel like i can’t do anything about it. i’m sorry if i’ve been absent or whatever, but there i reasons and i’d love to feel i can speak to you about it but it’s fair there’s an awkwardness and i don’t know why? i love you soooooooooooooooo much and miss chatting. :(